This secret spy site has been stolen. Send all regards to Mr. 6. I bring you six tales of thievery so clever, so cunning, and so bold that even I wish theft is as easy as they make it seem. Enjoy your study of stealing; it make come in handy one day.
The Coelacanth, largest luxury-class cruise ship in the solar system, was secretly transporting two things. The first item wasn't the most valuable but was what our thief, Double Enzo, was after originally. It's the Last Element. Able to power a sun, shift matter state, and multiply at a controlled rate, the Last Element really is the end to all elements. Selling it wasn't an option when using it meant the ability to do everything. Double Enzo, in his interplanetary Asteroid9 speeder, stuck like a remora to the Coelacanth. He slipped on deck through the vacuum ventilation and made his way to the Last Element. Getting his hands on the element wasn't the tricky part; it was escaping. Security vanguards found his speeder and were closing in on him. Nowhere to go, Double Enzo found his way into a secret demonstration starring the most valuable thing on the ship: a Parallel Universe Jumper aka the Pudge. He absconded into a parallel universe with the Last Element and told his tale. That parallel universe is our universe and the Last Element resides within our sun.
In the 1960s, India birthed a goddess. With eight arms, blue skin, and the power to form matter from color, she was thought by many villages to be Durga, incarnation of Devi. But in reality, she is just a woman born from belief and center to the greatest and worst heist of all history. Being Durga-like, she was paraded around as a goddess. They worshipped her sweet benevolence, but she didn't want it. Her advisor, Sukhwinder, could see her sadness and her compromise. Spending all his time with her, he wished her nothing but happiness, and in doing so fell for her. She felt the same but cared more of her people's state as they believed a goddess loves all, not one. They devised a plan to solve all their problems and provide the Indian people with a better understanding of the world. They faked their death during a spirit sending ceremony and lived happily far away from worshipping eyes. Sukhwinder secretly stole a goddess' heart in return for his.
The largest cash robbery in the world was as simple as a comic book. Going under pen names, Cali, Ursula, Nell, and Tamara, these four women made a comic detailing their exact heist of the World Bank, Vatican Bank, and 19 other country currency holds BEFORE they even performed them. The comic published by C.U.N.T. was a megacontroversy that left the world in suspended animation for six months until the date of the heists. The comic sold off the racks with double digit reprintings. It became the hottest selling words-on-paper since the bible. Everyone had it and everyone was trying to solve the case or live out their heist fantasy by proxy. The date came and the banks were ready for their plan. Obviously they knew the four women who wrote this would hire a multitude of people for the heist, but no heist information aside from the comic existed. No snitches, no trace backs from the publishing companies, nothing. The banks were never directly stolen from that day, but the girls put out a second comic the following month. It consisted of four pages: two of graphs highlighting their first issue's profits [which clocked in at $2.8 billion worldwide, USD] and two pages of a thank you note for everyone who ever bought their comic. A thank you for their money.
Have you ever seen The One starring Jet Li? Where the guy's alternate reality self is absorbing all his alternate selves to become more powerful? Well, this is the man they based the movie off of. He not only created a device to travel to parallel dimensions but also a device to absorb factors from his alternate selves selectively. This was so he could be as perfect as he could be in one dimension, rather than multiple dimensions of imperfect selves. He didn't have a brawl with his other selves [to his own knowledge]. He didn't have a plan to take over all realities. He just wanted to own up to his full potential. After an equivalent of 88 years and infinite dimensions, he still hasn't reached his full potential. He'll spend the rest of his life laying waste to his other selves and dying old, never having achieved his goal.
This is the painting that stole itself: the Escape. Painted by a mystery artist and set to premiere at a New Year's Eve gallery showing in downtown Manhattan, this painting was the talk of the town. No one had ever seen it, no details of its composition, not even the artist could describe it [not that artists THAT artsy can coherently describe any of their art]. Midnight that eve, the ball dropped. So did the protective zipper curtain the painting was transported in. Art enthusiasts enthused, painters were inspired to paint, photographers couldn't take photos fast enough, and the artist was soaking in its glory. Then, with a throng of onlookers and security cameras blazing its memory into their databanks, the painting disappeared. It vanished. On the security feed it was there and the next second it wasn't. The painting's composition has continuity errors from each eyewitness report and even from each security feed. Someone said the painting was black with a red rose in it. Cam footage shows it to be a giant woman sitting on a tiny mountain. This image probably isn't even the real thing. All we know is that the Escape escaped.
Deep under the Caribbean Sea, in a sunnier part of the Bermuda Triangle where the light is strong enough to penetrate to the very floor, there exists the most beautiful ecosystem in the world. Beauty surrounded by the horrific Triangle, the ecosystem acted as the shifting core-- never staying in the same position as this center of gravity rotated. Many airplanes, pirate ships, and other oceanfarers entering the Triangle never left, and in this instance, it was light enough to see something ancient never did. Discovered by the team of adventurers known as the Fantabulous Foursome, the seaship dubbed the White Majesty is the only fully functioning submarine to be made entirely of coral. Scientists teamed with the Fantab-Four state that the coral samples suggest the ship's age to be no less than seven digits and no more than nine digits. One of the most important and delicate finds in all history which would later be stolen. Two trusted scientists under the names of Dr. Heinrich von Ruden and Dr. Edith El-Baz journeyed with the Four on another sampling mission. Once aboard the vessel, the doctors knocked out the Four and stole the White Majesty. For what purpose? No one knows. Speculation rests that the thieves wished to discover its mysteries and thereby win multiple Nobel prizes and possibly reverse-engineer a new age of materials. Other whispering postulates that the thieves wanted the secrets of the White Majesty to stay secret. The latter rumor, if true, is not entirely unfounded.
