TOP SECRET TIPS IX

This is it. The end of the line. The end of TIPS. TIPS was a great premise, a wonderful challenge, and a financially rewarding project. In my time with TIPS I learned the dos and don'ts of selling a tip jar. Not hard. Not easy. If there's a final tip out there I could tell you at home reading this, then it's this: love with an open heart, laugh with a genuine smile, and live with an happy mind. This is the final episode of TIPS. Number nine.

Dr. Vincente is here with the diagnosis of diagnoses. Examine the three panels here. Answer the question carefully. There is a 99 in 99 percent chance that what you see is TIPS. See, tipmania affects the entire world population. There is no cure. The only known treatment of tipmania is tipping someone nearest you with a sentiment or preferably money.

This message approved by THE World Doctors Association. 

"We're doctors and shit. We know what's good for you."

I was in the game mode doing this. I wanted to combine my love of Seaport Village and my love for pirate treasure maps and this came of it. Enjoy the journey. It's pretty straightforward through the Big Wave, the Seaport Monster, near the Pearl of Dreams, past the Devil Ray Giant, and finally reaching the end, Isla de Dinero.

[here's a secret tip: the treasure to be found is adventure]

These last three TIPS hold a dear spot in my heart and hopefully in yours. They form the most epic movie of all time: TIPS. This being movie poster number one where it teases action, suspense, thrills, and chills. I love that coin flipping into the tip jar. You want to know how many people asked me what the plot was for TIPS? About the same amount of people that tipped me for creating such a ridiculous idea. A LOT.

Soon as I wrote the tagline for this second TIPS movie poster, a huge hotel in downtown San Diego put up a HUGE sticker over their building for the Scott Pilgrim movie. The tagline for that movie was almost identical. Damn, great minds think alike. TIPS however is a movie starring Barnaby Jones and Sarah Star, only the greatest actor and actress duo of our time. Both carry guns and vendettas for an unknown cause. This being the second movie poster, I stopped teasing so I could show you who's in it.

The final TIPS. The third and last movie poster for the movie, TIPS. This is where we get a taste of the plot and a new tagline. I had so much fun doing this card, it being the last and all. I made a lot of money while these TIPS sat in my world window. The plot of the movie? Here's a contrived vague answer to this question I'd like to never answer:

TIPS is about something.

TOP SECRET TIPS VIII

TIPS is going into the crazy eighth season here at Secrets are for Spies. TIPS is a federally funded profit organization whose sole existence is to provide me with more money on top of the money I make for working. Join me, why don't you, for a trip down memory lane in the land of TIPS.

Can I say something? I love female genies. Girl-genies are the mermaids to my pirate life. If only I could find some dusty oil lamp, rub it, and a beautiful woman would come out and grant me three wishes. My three wishes? Haha, now that's the secret.

We see what the girl-genie wished with her guy-genie. She used all three wishes for TIPS and maybe a smile. That's what I call dedication to her job as my fictional plaything. Now, why a genie lady would have a genie gent is beyond me. Maybe dating for genies works the same as indentured servitude-- with someone the master and someone the servant.

Ninja girls however have a rather unusual relationship with me. I draw them having fun, they have fun, but they disappear as soon as possible. This sign was originally supposed to be an Eschereque staircase type thing, but I wanted to incorporate ninjas into it, so...yeah. Came out so much better than I would've hoped.

One of the best times I had drawing TIPS was drawing this. I was sitting in my friend's car, I opened her car door, and used one of her old water bottles to figure out how water splashes. Then I drew the whole thing in the passenger seat on a tiny notebook. This is by far a better take on the whole "tip me over thing" and was one of the only times late in the TIPS season to not have the word TIPS in complete four letters on it. Made me lots of TIPS, this one did.

I don't even know. I...I just don't. I think I wanted to increase customer interactivity with my TIPS so I made a game where they helped the money find a way to the cup. People kept asking me, "hey, young sexy man can you please spank me harde--" err, I mean, they kept asking me, "hey, Mr. Sexy, how much is it to play your TIPS game here?" Really? REALLY? I thought it was a joke, but people kept asking me! I joked back that it was $0.50 to play and it WORKED. The kiddies had fun playing it especially when I was making car noises while they maze-trekked.

TOP SECRET TIPS VII

By this moment in time, you've received six sets of TIPS. This is the seventh, the magical lucky number set of TIPS. Are they lucky TIPS? Hell, someone dipped these TIPS in Felix Felicis and made me bank level side-cash. I was happy then. I'm happy now.

TIPS start with Tea. I couldn't have said it better myself. If I ever have a tea ceremony/party, then I want this tea pot. It's like painting a shark face on your WWII fighter jet to scare air-Germans, but this is meant to badassify quiet sweet quaint tea get-togethers. I made sooooooooooo much money off of this simple word pun. Call me playful, call me full of play, but don't ever call me-- I have no idea where I was going with this -__-

DUDE. TIPS of Terror would make a great movie. It'd star a harlot, a vamp, and Vincent Price. Maybe Van Helsing. The bats were fun to draw, same as the castle, and the title. The vampire's line wasn't actually me. Someone fun told me to do it and I did. Guess what happened? Almost anyone who saw this and wasn't having a crap day would repeat that line to me for NO REASON. Serious. How much did I make with this card? Enough to jack up my tip collection into triple digits. This was early on too. 

I was in such an inquisitive mood when I made this. No one got it. The night before I watched The Prestige. If you've not seen it, then go watch it. If you have seen it, then watch it again and be on the look out for which Christian Bale is which at which point. If you have seen it, then you'll know what I'm talking about. So, the day of making this card, I was reading The Five Fists of Science by Matt Fraction. HUGE Tesla nerd moment so I had an epiphany. During all his demonstrations for the coil, did Tesla ever ask for tips like a beggar? Here's my depiction of him in panning action. Made a surprising amount with this card based on the design and the easy to read TIPS title.

It was certainly time for TIPS. This was right after my friend's birthday and I was hitting my strides in life, in work, and in TIPS. People paid out the ass to fill my tip jar that day. No idea why. Coworkers would ask what time it was [well, the ones who wanted to leave ASAP] and I would just show them the card. It became a thing at my old job. Fun times. Good times. Sweet times. Times for TIPS. 

Ok. That brown smudge on the lower left corner? Chocolate. Some little girl picked it up and got chocolate on it because she thought it was something to play with. Very flattering but a total mess was made. Sign salvaged, I made less money post-chocolate massacre than pre-chocolate massacre. But. BUT. On my break I found something floating down the cobblestone streets where I worked-- $50. Ulysses S. Grant never looked so good.

TOP SECRET TIPS VI

There comes a time when the fun ends. This is not that time. The next time won't be that time either. This TIPS-train will never end. And then it will. Choo Choo.

Absurdly, I got this idea from a second-hand tale a coworker was telling me. He started off with, "what had happened was..." and when you here those four words start off a story you KNOW it's a great story. Apparently, a friend of his worked for tips in Arizona. One day he dropped his tips [assorted coins] in the sand near his car while fumbling with his car keys. Hands still near the ground after picking up the largest coin first, a snake leapt out and tried to bite his fingers. His fingers went unscathed but his quarter did not. He couldn't find it because the snake ATE it. I still think he flung his quarter away when the snake lunged, but that doesn't make for an exciting story, does it?

 Another one of my first one TIPS cards before I decided on TIPS as the franchise name. Sometimes I wish the world never left the sensibilities and fashion sense of the 1940s behind but then again we'd never have created lowriders and booty shorts. Thank Zeus for booty shorts. The man-spy is telling the woman-spy something in morse code.

I love giving spy tips to the unwashed unlearned non-spy populace. Remember your secret packages come in every form: words, hard copy notes, trick objects, and even back-alley meetings. If there's one thing you should learn from my spy teachings it's this: >>> ___ <<< Don't blink.

A second lesson in TIPS, this time for the heavy hot summer sun fun we had. I've followed every rule listed while living in Florida. The accompanying pictures were meant to look like mirages in the sun, same goes for the title. Had a lot of fun making this one. Lots of customers asked for water after reading this, instead of let's say some soda that has salt in its secret formula which therefore doesn't quench your thirst.

There must've been some sort of tattoo convention in town the time I made this because that was my reasoning; tattoo artists and enthusiasts would love to tip a cup with a sign with a tattooed woman on it. Tips for tats, I say. Wink, don't forget the wink. I called dibs on every tattooed he and she all day and guess what? I MADE BANK.

TOP SECRET TIPS V

What time is it? TIPS time, maybe? Since you asked, I've delivered. Oh, there's more where these came from. Trust me.

I was a little bored with TIPS concepts at this point so I looked around in the bookstore near where I worked for some cool graphic design I could glean inspiration off of. I found a book on tiki culture and saw this postcard like text. This is a postcard from TIPS which is apparently an island paradise. I actually took a picture of this with my phone at the same time I customer was standing there. She thought I was taking a picture of her butt until she noticed my tip jar sign, haha.

I tried so hard on this one. I wanted color. I wanted symmetry. I almost achieved it freehand but little things are off. Still, the Queen of Hearts TIPS was fun to draw. Didn't make too much money though. Didn't expect it to either.

Tip Me Over is the VERY first TIPS card I ever did, hence the lack of the word, TIPS. I went for ultra-cute instead of anything really artistic. Not only did this card increase my tip flow, but it also invigorated me with a creative mission to do a different card every time I worked.

My. All-time. Favorite. TIPS. I made so much money off this single premise that the only thing this man needs to save his life is more tips in my tip cup. I love the random nurse/doctor. I love the angry driver that hits the dude. I love everything about this one. Hands down my favorite. What's yours so far? 

Ahh, the scrabble TIPS. I really wanted to put pimp on something so I started there and connected the dots accordingly. I wish I could play with these scrabblers. A cat, an angler fish, and an owl scholar--- hells yeah.

TOP SECRET TIPS IV

This is a lesson in spying, my friends. A lesson in conceit. A lesson in lessons. Sit down. Kick back. Get entertained.

We've seen this character before, ladies and gentlemen. Remember her name? No? Yes? I'm getting mixed answers here. Anyways, that's Niki Fury, sexy spy supreme. What's she doing on my TIPS card? Doing something really fucking cool. I originally drew this as a girl without an eye patch doing the cover-your-eye-thing but it came out looking a lot like Niki Fury so I drew the eye patch on. An hour later I realized if Niki were to cover her left eye, she'd be blind. That's when I added "see without sight," kind of a play on the Thundercats mantra "sight beyond sight." I made a LOT of money with this much to my surprise.

 Oh man, this one. I really wanted to make a comic that had to have a tip at the end. This is that idea. An idea of a ninja vs a samurai. Absolutely love the ending. I wish the S in TIPS was sharper, but letters drawn on a slant, freehand, are difficult as fuck.

 People didn't know what the hell I was talking about here. I misspelled TIPS one time as TOPS and came up with this. It could be a fancy jingle for a commercial or a morality lesson at the end of Magic School Bus. Who knows? All I know is getting tips means winning.

San Diegans love pandas. Asians love pandas. Girls love pandas. Customers LOVE pandas. Make sure to read the disclaimer. I doubt any customers read it. Also, love my taunt where I out myself as a bamboozler. HAH! Such a knee slapper. 

Here's where the magic happens. Two pen-is jokes on one card. A high concept dealing with creative familiars Pen-guin and Eraser-at. Had soooooo much fun drawing this I got carried away with the familiars.

TOP SECRET TIPS III

You didn't ask for more tips but I know you wanted more. Here's a couple during my "theme" period. Guess which witch is which.

I rushed this one. I didn't have markers for any color so that negated the need to color even one letter. I really  wanted to draw this concept though, but had time constraints, so it came out like poop post-Mexican hot chocolate: fast and a little sloppy. Don't visualize that. Please, for your own good.

I LOVE THIS ONE. My line work was on point. I was hitting strides with my magic theme but there was one big problem: the letter I. I tilted it because it would be easier for the bunny to make it to the top with the I like that. The real problem about it is that it made the tip card a little hard to access. It looked at first glance like THPS, but once you look at it you can see it's TIPS. But you can't unsee what you've seen, ya know, one of those things.

High concept. Totally clutch. I dreamt this up. Literally. Spent...maybe 25 minutes on this? One of my favorites for certain. Worked real well with the customers.

Damn, this one is great. I worked at a place in a tourist trap near the port. All prime placement for overly priced shit but a great "quaint" place to hang [I guess]. I thought about mermaids during work sometimes so I decided to create the mermaid mascot for Seaport Village [the tourist trap]. Ran with this and loved every second of it.

Here again we see a comic using my mermaid mascot. I had this convoluted bad rhyme poem like song made for this because I felt it needed a sing-song quality to it. It feels so contrived to me, but hell if it didn't make me money. One of my coworkers asked me to sing the song, so I poured a glass of water and gargled out the words because realistically that's what singing underwater would fucking sound like to us.

TOP SECRET TIPS II

More TIPS here. More TIPS tomorrow. This batch has some of my favorites.

What better way to shill your tip jar than by telling customers, straight up, to contribute? You have NO IDEA how easy this worked at increasing the rate and amount at which people would toss me tips. Also, think about where the 4th wall is in this comic.

I couldn't think of any ideas this time but wanted to draw robots. Then, I thought about drawing myself thinking about drawing said robots. Boom! Done. My shirt says "Gotta Catch 'Em All." 

I would meander the idea of a French TIPS episode to use the popular manicure to tell a joke. Worked better than I thought. I like how it asks to deposit here. 

One of my favorites during my big stride of TIPS comics. How do you kill a wolf? Here's a tip: read this comic. You have no clue how much I love that name tag of mine covering up the violence. 

Senor Tips vs. El Rojo Gato! Senor Tips is at the tippy-top of the luchador food chain. El Rojo Gato is a scrub working his way up the luchador ladder. They fight for honor, money, and pride, but mainly money.

TOP SECRET TIPS I

A word from the Head: 

There was a time, long ago, when I worked at an establishment that provided extracurricular income through the nifty invention, the Tip Cup. I would place placards with the word, "TIPS," emblazoned on them to signify this is my cup and you should put money in there because I'm awesome. I got creative. I pushed myself to create a different index card size placard every work day, 10-30 minutes before work. This is that project. Read how I bamboozled innocence and made burning wallet paper. As always gentlemen and ladies, enjoy. There's many more to come.

 It was so hot outside that day and I was reading about the zoo. Not my most favorite piece but the rhino is choice.

 One of the earlier works. This one got a lot of laughs and made a shit ton of tips. Bees pound just like that. I invite you to try it.

I might've been eating cereal at the time this one came to me. No-- wait, I was overhearing a conversation with these two gentlemen about a third gentleman they knew who had a secret habit of eating coins. No joke. That's a serious habit. This one was smaller than the regular size index card. I used an ancient technique to shorten up the space I had to draw on. The technique is called: Folding the Flap over.

I had my copics on my one day and did this doodle-do. Also, might've babysat the night before this one. Either way the Count looks high as those 25 cent bouncy balls we all lost as a child. Kids would ask their parents to put money into this one. Each time they did I counted out the change.

I admit, I was in a rush to push this one out. I wanted to work exclusively with my 1.0mm liner while simultaneously making sure people knew this was a fucking tip cup sign.

The Spy Way or The High Way

In the world of espionage there are only three truths: trust is irrelevant, facts change, and expecting the unexpected never prepares you for the unexpected. Here lies the Spy Code, a series of legends pertaining to the different espionage truths. Most of you have never heard these tales. Some of you may have heard through the grapevine or in passing. Shockingly, few out there have experienced these myths firsthand. Welcome to the espionage world. Here is your lesson in truth. 

The Alpha-Omega Rolodex: undoubtedly the most popular of these myths pertains to the nearly omnipotent deus ex machina known as the Alpha-Omega Rolodex. It is the beginning and end to all rolodexes ever in existence. It only lists anyone participating in the intelligence game. Constantly updating files, the rolodex runs self-aware thanks to a beyond-advanced A.I. mindframe. No one knows who or why or how built this listing. No one knows where it is or how to access it. There's only one report of the rolodex ever being accessed. The man in question wiped the A.I.'s mindframe of his existence. He no longer exists on paper or digitally or ever anywhere. Like the rolodex, this man is said to be a myth. He could be a she, he could be on the rolodex, he could be you or I. But that knowledge is, without exception, the most classified piece of intelligence in the entire history of being.

[Picture by Shinkiro]

The Historical Significance of Underwear: history books teach you that undergarments such as stockings, panties, and garter-belts originated as a fashion statement for the impoverished unwashed back in the early days. Propaganda taglines included "If you're not wearing undergarments, then you're a witch" and the ever popular "Don't be a fool, cover your tool." The truth of the matter is inherently irrelevant. We don't need to know where they came from but damn are we glad they're here for us. But did you know intelligence agents created undergarments as a way to conceal information in the most private of spaces? Several secret labs were used to design a piece of clothing that has the functional requirements of a hidden pocket or pants-under-pants. So, enjoy your underpants, for the secrets they hold can be many.

[Picture by I-don't-know]

The Luna Sceptre: in a lab hidden in plain sight, researchers the world over created the ultimate technological achievement. That achievement was the Luna Sceptre, a tool of such advanced technology if the researchers hadn't constructed it themselves, they'd believe it was real magic. It could summon, teleport, levitate, and blast. They couldn't find enough paper to write down the practical applications. One of the researchers, a mistress of exotic physics knew such a power at such a time would be absolutely abused. She did the one thing no Geneva convention, no G20 Summit, no UN council would ever vote to do: get rid of it. She stole the Sceptre and escaped to another reality, a reality where she was a blond Japanese schoolgirl who could use a Moon Scepter to transform into a magical Amazon. And so Mahou Shoujo was born.

[Picture by Bruce Timm]

Operation Greenbird: Greenbird was a go when Hitler seized control of Germany. It was said to be an alpha protocol that consisted of grouping together the world's greatest agents and exterminating the omega threat. The Star-Spangled Shield, the Son of Odin, and many others were gathered and told that the man with the toothbrush mustache would one day kill millions. They were ordered to stage a false flag so the world would have proper reason to assassinate the Fuhrer. On the way to the staging grounds in Poland, the Greenbird ops, without order, voted on the moral consequences of their actions. Would the pros of starting a war to give validation to a political murder plot outweigh the cons of possibly killing millions by starting another Great War? The vote was unanimous-- they don't do it. Here's where the facts change: the ops managers knew free will would be an x-factor and installed mind-manipulator chips in their brains to override free will. As soon as they voted to not do their job, they turned into mindless murder machines and marched on. Hitler was never assassinated and millions died.

[Picture by Chris Samnee]

Golden Patience: a warrior spy during the Romance of the Three Kingdoms era who's name was lost to the ages was the first man to time-travel to the future. During the Battle of Mt. Ding Jun, this warrior, carrying important intelligence about upcoming enemy formations, found himself lost. He took a look at the info he transported. What he found when he read that scroll was a war-ending strategy that only one man could fulfill.  Taking it upon himself, he carved a secret cavern into the rocky mountain and shut himself inside, meditating. Using astral projection, he entered the minds of Wu, Shu, and Wei officers, slowly seeding the end of Three Kingdoms era. After years, it was a success. China was one again unified but the warrior, stuck in the astral plane couldn't return to his body. His consciousness waited 2,000 years until he found a man performing astral projection as well. The warrior stole his body and lived as an old man in a young body. His real body is said to still be in Mt. Ding Jun.

[Picture by Hiro Mashima, Fairy Tail]